Some New Friends

I'm spending the May holiday in Vietnam, with a stop in Shanghai first. I had to go to the Embassy of Vietnam in order to apply for a visa. All of the embassies are located in the same area, much like in Washington, DC. I almost didn't make it because the embassy closes at 4 and I forgot that I needed to get a passport photo. The woman at the counter was really rude. I got in about 3:50 and when I was handing her my money, she says, "Please hurry, we close at 4:00." Um, can Vietnam really afford to turn away tourists? I have to go back on Friday and pick up the passport. I need to do some research on the re-entry process back into China. I have a feeling there's going to be some "issue."

Scarlet was missing the pumpkin-sophapillas so much she decided to venture back over to the office area for lunch on Tuesday. She wanted Nick to come as well to formally thank him for the birthday present he gave her. We had a nice lunch, although it felt a bit rushed because she had to leave early. Scarlet is going with WooJung on a trip around China. She'll be gone for two weeks. I think it's a really great opportunity for her to go and see the rest of the country. It's going to cost $3,000 which really isn't bad for a two-week guided trip.

She's been staying with WooJung's family since she left the office, and she really wants to get her own place when she's done with the trip. Apparently WooJung's mother doesn't realize that Scarlet can actually understand most Korean. The mother has been making comments about Scarlet's weight and sleeping patterns. She also expects Scarlet to eat all the food that the father and WooJung don't finish on their plates. The mother told Scarlet that she should just go back to America after the trip is over. I think she really doesn't want her there anymore.

Scarlet asked me to give Judy, Sally, and Phoenix some hair clips that she didn't want anymore. They were very cheap looking, but they really appreciated the gesture. They got so excited when I brought them back. It was nice to see how much they appreciated the smallest of gestures.

I went to the post office to mail some postcards and two small packages. You wouldn't believe the bureaucracy that was involved in shipping the packages! First of all, they actually had to see what was being mailed. The woman carefully studied each item. Then the customs forms were horrendous. For some reason they don't believe in carbon copies, so I had to fill out six forms on each package. It was insane! I felt bad for all the people in line behind me.

I had to go to a dinner with a delegation from the Chifeng region, located in Inner Mongolia. The bigwig of the group was the mayor of Chifeng. I always get really nervous at functions like this because the Chinese are really big into protocol. It goes so far as to the order that people walk into the room, down to where you sit. So stressful. The man sitting next to me pointed at my chopsticks and was basically asking, "Do you know how to use them?" It really annoyed me. Why would you try to make someone feel incompetent? My boss said that the man was "challenging" my ability to use the chopsticks. He must have been disappointed when I was able to do it.

Then the toasting started. Oh God, it must have gone on forever. It felt like it anyway. My boss suggested that I show the mayor some "respect" and offer him a toast, which he would translate. We both stood. The mayor looked very unhappy. I basically wished him a prosperous future and toasted him. I got so sick of the toasting that if I had known Mandarin for "Sit down, shut up, and eat!" I probably would have said it. It's no wonder that they can't get anything done. Later in the meal my boss asked me to practice my Chinese on the mayor. WHAT?! "Wa ba hoi shaw Po-tung-wah." That means, "I don't speak Mandarin." Everyone, minus the mayor, was clapping and laughing. He looked so angry and I think he corrected my pronunciation of "Po-tung-wah." I felt bad that he had to deal with me, to be honest. It's time like these when I get really "pro-America" and want to say something like, "We have a bigger military than you!" My defensiveness wore off the next day.

I posted an ad on Craig's List for a Chinese tutor. I said I would be willing to pay 20RMB an hour for instruction. I got TONS of responses as you might imagine. I ended up selecting a woman named Nancy Yang. She's worked at UPS for seven years and I could tell just from her e-mails that she had a firm grasp of the English language. We scheduled a meeting Wednesday evening at Starbucks.

Nancy was right on time and extremely friendly. She grew up in Beijing and has never traveled outside of China. Nonetheless, she's got good English conversational skills because many of her co-workers at UPS only speak English. We got off to a bit of a slow start because we didn't know where to begin! I finally just pulled out my dictionary and we went through it. I didn't want to do too many words at once or I would forget them. Repetition is really key. I also wrote down the phonetic pronunciations of each word. She invited me to go with her friends during the May holiday next month to a "forest." She said I could really practice my Chinese with them. I thanked her for the kind invitation but explained that I could not. She also asked me to go to a Cherry Blossom festival with her this weekend. I told her I would love to. She laughed occasionally at how I sometimes pronounced the words. Some words are really just too difficult. Our brains want to process each sound through the scope of the English language. They have many sounds and clicks that don't exist in the English language. By contrast, they all say that learning English was a breeze.

When our hour was up, I reached into my wallet to give her the money. She refused to let me pay. "No, I want to do this as a language exchange." "But Nancy, you already speak English!" She claimed that I was helping her understand English because I called my phone a "cell" instead of a "mobile." While the gesture was very nice, I felt bad. She'd spent an hour on the subway to meet me and had an extremely long trip back. At a minimum, I'm going to pay for things when we get together.

I was very excited to try out my Chinese phrases on my co-workers the next day. They all worked! I went up to Nick and said "Knee hun shh-why" (You are very handsome). He was stunned that I knew this and said, "Thank you very much!" I think I'm going to learn a lot by being around Nancy.

Nick wanted to take me back to the place where I got sick for lunch. Sadly, they were too busy and we had to go elsewhere. We went to another place that so good. All the dumplings were fried and they were so crisp and good. Interestingly, the dumplings looked like breadsticks you'd get in an Italian restaurant. I really loved them and made a big point to Nick about how much I enjoyed this place. I really don't want to go back to the other dive again.

All the water we drink at work is from water coolers because the water has to be sterilized first, and as a result it's always hot. I filled up my water jug and went back to my desk. What is that swimming in my cup, I wondered? A baby cockroach. The girls in my office ran over and were horrified. I walked over to Nick's desk to show him. “I think it not very good,” he proclaimed. No, it's not. Judy told me that I should tell Tan Lu, one of the office manager's about it. She just started laughing when I showed it to her and said, “It's very common.” Uh huh.

My weekend ended up being extremely busy, which was probably a good thing. I ended up meeting with four different people - two a day. First up was Nancy at Starbucks. We had agreed to meet there at 11 and then she was going to take me to a cherry blossom festival at an area park. I was a few minutes late because the bus line had changed one of my routes! I usually take the 807 to go down to Starbucks and for some reason they renumbered it to 684. I didn't get on the first one because I was so confused. Luckily, the 684 took me where I needed to go. While Nancy and I were practicing my Mandarin another Chinese woman sat down at the table next to us. She kept interjecting into the conversation and was interested in my pronunciation. It was kind of annoying! When I was learning how to count to 10, the woman had her little daughter come over and count with me. The Starbucks employees brought everyone samples of the new Banana Coconut Frappacino. It's really, really good. Try one today!

After about an hour of studying, Nancy wanted to take me to an area park for the cherry blossom festival. It was a really gorgeous day to be doing this. There were various young women posing next to some of the trees with tons of photographers swirling them, taking their picture. I guess they were competing for the title of Ms. Cherry Blossom. Nancy bought me some fruit that had a straw in it and I was to drink it. It was OK, not something you'd order more than once. Nancy took lots of photos. She got angry when I told her that I needed to meet someone else at 3 and told me that I was to tell her that in advance. Um...you're not my boss. The other thing she did that kind of made me angry was she kept making me say things in Chinese to people. We're not talking "hello," I'm saying full sentences. It was stupid because I didn't know the actual meaning of the words. If I were focusing on pronunciation it would have been OK. But at this stage I need to learn very basic words. We're a long way away from saying full sentences. I may limit my contact with her.

At 3 pm I met up with one of my co-workers, Apple. You may remember that I had scaled the mountain with her the weekend before. She's probably 22 or 23. Her assignment was to help me get a haircut. She met me in the subway near my apartment. There's a mall nearby that had a salon I'd seen. I'd asked Nick how much I should spend on a haircut and he told me 10 RMB. I suspect he goes to very barebones barber shops. This was a really nice salon and it cost 30 RMB. I think that was a good price. They really shampooed and conditioned my hair.

Apparently the man cutting my hair told Apple that it wasn't long enough to be cut. He did a very good job and I've kept his card for a future visit. Apple then wanted to go to a restaurant for the "instant, boiled mutton." This turned out to be a hot pot place and it was really good. I boiled all my stuff in the spicy pot.

We had a long walk to get there and chatted along the way. She told me that before she met me she thought foreigners were "bad." I asked her why and she said they "look strict." What she's talking about is the constipated look that these Europeans have on their faces here. I don't blame her for thinking foreigners are bad, quite frankly. I gave her the scoop on the Europeans and explained our vast differences. We were in the embassy area and a lot of the people we passed were white and she assumed American. She was stunned when I told her they weren't. She asked me how I could tell the difference between an American and a European and I told her to look at their teeth.

Apple said that she likes the way Americans “smell.” I told her I didn't realize that there was a difference. All I can of is the fact that I shower at least once a day and use soap. Apple is of Hui heritage and is Muslim. She kept telling me that she's never allowed to eat pork. As a minority in China, her family was allowed to have more than one child so she has a 16-year-old sister. Her father was in the military in Beijing for several years and is now some kind of Communist party leader in Harbin. Her mother works for the state-owned petroleum company, SinoPec.

After dinner I took her to the T.G.I. Friday's around the corner. I feel so bad because my Chinese friends always insist on paying for everything. I know that they don't have much money and are probably sending money to their families. She was very intrigued by Friday's. She'd never really seen a place designed like it. I ordered an ice cream sundae for us to split. As we were leaving, I stopped to explain some of the pictures that were on the wall. The first was a photo of The Doors. She had no clue. The next was of the Beatles. She had no clue. The last, and most surprising to me, was Elvis Presley. She had no clue. I said, "The King of Rock and Roll?!" She felt bad and said she needs to do more research on America. I'll say.

On Sunday I met up with a woman named Karen Pan. She works for GE and wants to improve her conversational English. I have no idea why really - she speaks fluently. I liked her very much. Of everyone I've met who's tried teaching me Chinese, she was the best. I could understand her more and she was better at explaining why certain sounds are made. For example, she said that the Beijing accent is to add an "err" sound at the end of all words. She said that's why some words could be pronounced in different ways and still be correct. This finally made some sense! She also taught me some Beijing-only phrases that she said locals would like. For example, if someone thanks you or apologizes for something you can respond, "Mishar, mishar." It basically means "no big deal."

Karen wanted to take me back to that antique market that WooJung's parents had taken me to. It was actually better to go with Karen because she was able to really explain some of the art and things that were being sold. She pointed out these little glass bottles that the artists had painted from the inside. I can't imagine how long it must have taken.

I was starving when we were done and I saw a street vendor selling some sweet potatoes. I told her I wanted a "sweet potato." For some reason this made her CRACK up! She just started sobbing in the middle of the street. They are always really surprised that a) we have sweet potatoes in America and b) that I like them. The Mandarin word for them is "di gua." She got into a very heated argument with the man selling them. Apparently he tried selling us bad ones and she wasn't going to take it. She put the ones he gave us back on the warmer and then started sniffing other potatoes. It was confusing. Long story short: we each got our di guas!

We sat down in a little square nearby and ate them. There were groups of men and women in little clusters. Some people were playing cards and others had their little Pekinese dogs running about. I felt bad for one little dog who scooted his butt along the concrete for a long time. I doubt he's ever had his glands flushed. The owner seemed to think it was cute. I asked Karen what the old men were talking about. She said that one of the men was remembering how this entire area was nothing but a field when he was a boy. Now it was completely developed. She said men enjoy discussing politics and women talk about children. I asked her what Chinese people think of Americans. She said they think we are hardworking, smart, and have lots of money.

I really enjoyed my time with Karen. She didn't try to overwhelm me and she gave me practical advice, like how to stand on the bus. She didn't attempt to control me the way that Nancy does. I think I can learn a lot from her!

After Karen dropped me off at the metro, I was headed to the other side of Beijing. I was en route to meet Mo, a 22-year-old college student at the Beijing University of Aeronautics and Astronautics. This would end up being my favorite visit of the weekend. He wanted to meet at Wal-Mart. We had some issues finding each other - we both went to different entrances but we finally connected on our cell phones.

He really exuded a cheerful personality. I was very impressed by his command of English vocabulary. He's studying international trade and knew many business terms, including "protectionism." He's been studying English since he was 12. I think within a few years he can probably eliminate most of his accent. He wanted to go to a coffee shop. He told me on the walk over that when I had e-mailed him that I was 31 he expected me to "look older" but I was nothing more than a "big brother." Thanks!

Mo is from a town called Hechi in South China's Guangxi Province. He was the top student at his school and he intends to pursue an MBA. He interns at an international consulting firm called Mercer. He said that when they have conference calls with the New York office they don't start till 9pm in Beijing and they have to say "Good morning" to their East coast colleagues. It's amazing that anything gets done with a 12-hour time difference.

Mo's English name is Jackie. I told him that there was a famous American baseball player named Jackie Robinson. We spent the next two hours just talking. He worked with me on my pronunciation of certain words. He's convinced that he's going to teach me the written Chinese language. Yeah, right! At a certain point he proclaimed that we were "now friends." I thought that was nice. Most of the things that he knows about American culture are from movies. For example, he loves the "American Pie" movies. I'm thrilled that American Pie is the portraiture we're painting for the rest of the world! He also loves Harrison Ford.

Like Apple, he didn't know some of our bigger American icons. I gave him an American pop culture lesson and told him to Google the following people: Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, and James Dean. I said that if he wants to get by in America, he needs to have some working knowledge of these people. He had a number of questions about America.

I think as a future businessman he expects to interact with Americans and he wants to know the appropriate protocol. He wanted to know how to "be polite" when dining at an American's home. I told him that most Americans are very casual and relaxed. I said they would be more conscious of the fact that they have a foreigner in their home and would do everything they could to accommodate him, perhaps even providing chopsticks and they wouldn't openly question his ability to use a fork and knife (unlike my experiences!). I also told him that Americans eat much slower than Chinese people and that food is more a social interaction; an opportunity to visit and exchange information.

He also wanted to know if Americans could tell the racial differences between a Chinese person and another Asian race. I had to be honest and tell him "No." He seemed offended. "Why?" I explained that most Americans just can't tell the difference and because we don't like to offend people we typically won't ask, "Hey, are you Chinese?" We're sensitive that people take their heritage very seriously and we would never risk offending someone. I told him that perhaps when I go back to America I would be more attuned to Chinese people and be able to spot them. I pointed out that he probably wasn't able to distinguish an American from a European but that I could. He said it was true. "Look at the teeth, Jackie."

Jackie is also preparing to learn Japanese. At one point I told him he was going to be very successful and he wanted to know why. I told him that he's clearly a hard worker and ambitious. He seemed very uncomfortable when I would compliment him, so I eventually stopped.

Jackie was by far one of the most well-informed and intelligent people I've come across in China. I had written in the last dispatch that I wasn't convinced that China was really “ready” to take over the world again based on some of the thinking and work habits I've witnessed. If there a lot more up and comers like Jackie here, China is well-positioned to take its place at the head of the global table.

When it was time to pay, he insisted on getting the check. I really tried to pay but he said this was his "place." It makes me so uncomfortable. I know he can't have that much money and the last thing he needs to do is buy an American his coffee. I'm meeting up with him and his friend Zhang Friday evening. I'll pick up the tab!

After our wonderful conversation, he walked me back to the Metro. I told him I actually wanted to run into Wal-Mart to see if there was anything I needed. He went in with me. The store was HUGE. It was probably five or six levels. A couple of minutes into my browsing, he asked me if it was "polite" that he was with me. I told him I didn't understand the question. "Perhaps you want to buy something that you don't want me to see. Is it polite that I'm standing with you?" What a great question! I told him that in this case, me as a foreigner in this store for the first time, it was completely appropriate. I told him that in America if someone didn't want him around, they would make up an excuse. "You just wait here; I'll only be a minute." Sometimes the more I explain the American psyche I realize we're all just a bunch of liars!

I picked up a few things at Wal-Mart and he walked me back to the Metro. I thanked him for all his help. He was very stern that since we are friends I was not to thank him. The things he was doing are his duty. This has been a common theme with all my Chinese friends. They view certain things as obligations and that's all there is to it.

On my ride back home, I reflected on the people I'd met this weekend. I realized that Chinese people are enormously generous and good people. I find them so sincere and caring. When I told this to Nick the next day he wanted to warn me that yes this was true but there were plenty of people that would also try to take advantage of me. Yes, like the sweet potato vendor. At the same time, the character of the vast majority of Chinese people is well-intentioned. I'll give you an example. I took a cab home after my evening with Apple. She told the driver that I needed to go near Longtan Park. Apparently she didn't do a good job because we got in the general region and he wanted me to point where I lived. I didn't know! I just pointed at one of the roads and he went. He kept looking at me because he knew it wasn't right. I finally said, "Lawn-tan gone-yuan." He knew what I wanted and laughed. Anyway, when we pulled up to my building the fare was 20. I gave him the money and prepared to get out when he stopped me. He gave me 5 back. He knew that without our communication barrier the fare would have only been 15. That, I think, demonstrates the character of China.

The next day at lunch Nick told me that my Chinese co-workers really like me. Really? He said that they've been talking about me and even the ones who can't speak English have decided that I'm a good person and a "gentleman." I felt really relieved when he said it. When you can't understand 95 percent of what is being said, it's nice to know that they aren't saying bad things!

I'll admit that there are many times when I can still get offended or feel an affront. The other day I was preparing to put my badge away and some of the Chinese employees ran up ahead of me. There was seemingly no reason to do it; they weren't in a hurry. I was initially angry at the rude gesture and then just had to accept it. It was nothing personal about me, it's just who they are.

I've mentioned that the government is desperately trying to get the Chinese to understand "lines" and order at public places in advance of the Olympics. Some of the bus stops have people who wear yellow coats and are "Supervisors of Riding Politely." Apparently my morning bus stop must be considered one of the worst because it has three supervisors! The women supervisors are tougher. If they think you're trying to cut in line, they'll yell at you.

I got really irritated Monday morning because one of the busses came and everyone tried piling on it. There was no logical way it was going to work. The bus stayed at the stop for 20 minutes - I'm not kidding - while people attempted to fit on and the Supervisors of Riding Politely were yelling at people on the bus to make more room. It was so stupid and completely inefficient. I just kept thinking about how backed up all the routes were going to be that day from this one stop. I decided to walk to work on Tuesday!

I started this entry with saying that I'm going to Vietnam next month. I have since decided not to. I couldn't justify the expense and I just got to China. I need to master Beijing before I start hop scotching across Asia! I'm planning on going to a language camp and spending time with some of my new friends in Beijing.

I just got back from a lunch with officials from the Hebei area. What lovely people! Such a different experience than the last meal I had. They were extremely warm and friendly. They were surprised at how well I handled my chopsticks and the variety of their food that I seemed to enjoy. I voluntarily made toasts and received them in return. I was even given a special paper lantern by them. It felt so liberating to understand more of the customs and feel accepted. I thanked them all and said they were some of the friendliest people I had met in China and that I would like to travel to their hometown. The man next to me toasted me and said I was "very young and handsome." We all probably had about 20 shots of wine that they brought from their region. Clearly, people in Hebei like to party!

I went to dinner Tuesday evening with Apple. She wanted to take me to another Hui restaurant that served traditional Muslim food. We ordered what was basically stew and corn. It was all very good. I was clearly the first white person to have ever been here. Our server was a 13-year-old boy and I'm sure the son of the owner. He kept staring at me and giggling as Apple and I conversed in English. Eventually his brother and mother also had to come over and supervise our ordering process.

Apple was in the bathroom when he dropped off one of the dishes and I thanked him in Chinese. He responded with the traditional “Don't mention it” in Chinese but he seemed really embarrassed. He ran over to his brother and I could tell he was saying that I had thanked him in Chinese. Sometimes I think I must make them feel like a walking, talking animal has entered their establishment. We'd find it funny too!

My Chinese colleagues were extremely alarmed about the shooting rampage at Virginia Tech. More than anything, they don't like America's gun laws. They wanted to know how this boy had purchased a gun. In China, you can't own a gun unless you're police or military. They all told me that America should not have guns. I tried explaining American sentiment towards “the right to bear arms” but they didn't get it. I was just relieved that the madman was Korean and not Chinese.

I've written a lot about friendships in this dispatch. My experiences to date have reinforced that Chinese people very much like and respect America, although it's clear that they quietly believe they are the superior people. Everyone has been very kind to me. The word for America in Chinese is pronounced “may gaw.” Do you know what it means? It's the Chinese words for “beautiful nation.” Despite our many, many differences, the Chinese have a genuine interest in and appreciation of America.